Arrh! - Scotland

We arise – time to depart the Suryaa and India – on to the road to the airport – it is 6.15am – a much later start than our last visit to Indira Gandhi!

We sit in the car – it is speeding along – there must have been an overnight tragedy of enormous proportion! – what could have happened? – did half of the population of Delhi die overnight? – had the conveyances of Delhi suffered a terminal malady? – there is practically no one is on the roads! – this is not Delhi!

We are at the airport in a flash – not even a chance to congratulate one another on our skills in having maintained our human food processing systems in such good condition! – clearly there were plenty of people who managed to avoid the tragedy that befell Delhi last night since the terminal entrance ways certainly do not display the same paucity of people and conveyance that afflicted the roads of Delhi this morning.

The driver bids us farewell - we join the moderate queue – we ready our passport and visa - we brace ourselves to face the army security officers that attend the doors to the terminal - No! no! no!  mumbles the guard – he opens the queue tape – waves us away – eventually we discern that it is the ticket and not the visa he is looking for! – we join some European girls suffering the same side of Indian bureaucracy  – we produce a poor facsimile of a ticket that we had printed online at home from a printer in desperate need of ink cartridge replacement – barely readable as a ticket but suffice to satisfy the minimum requirement for entry into the airport – even someone as unskilled as a terrorist as I could have satisfied the criteria for entry.

The remaining airline and border processes proceed with an efficiency that belies the reputation of the Indian administrative systems.

We take our seats – immediately I recognise that the decision to travel premium economy will have long term implications – I interpret Bernie’s approving demeanour as an indicator that she has already made a mental note to insist that the length of future overseas jaunts be reduced to the extent that budget space is made to enable a repeat this class of travel.

The daylight flight to Edinburgh? – easy! – almost a pleasure – the trip only marred by the realities of transiting through Heathrow – as we disembark we smile as we listen to the passengers of English descent disembarking in London – “I will not eat another curry for a year” says one – “I am craving Yorkshire pudding” says another – “I am buying fish and chips for tea tonight” says another – Ah the Raj returning home!

We exit the plane – bright sunshine – the spring of Scotland – thank the Lord for the sunshine since the air is cold – the wind brisk – the effect? – bracing!

The Terminal signs welcome us to Scotland – they scream “Edinburgh Airport -The face of Scotland to the World” – The world responds “Scotland – What in the <insert your own word from the list below> are you up to! – we finally find a set of baggage handlers that make those at Hervey Bay seem moderately efficient – we stand with the crowd admiring the mechanics of an empty conveyor belt for half an hour - -none of the locals seem to think any of this is unusual .

Our bags are retrieved – we follow sign after sign – after sign – after another sign and then another sign – at last the taxi queue – we wait in line – the sun still trying without success to ameliorate effects of remnant winter air and the brisk wind – we question our decisions on the content of our cases -  again we read the sign – “Edinburgh Airport – the Face of Scotland to the World” – again the World says: “Edinburgh what in the <insert the same word you chose before> are you thinking!”

At last a taxi – it is approaching 8.00pm – a rapid transit to the hotel – the Fraser Suites? – in currency the most expensive of our trip – in accommodation, size and utility a poor relation to its Indian colonial counterparts – in location? – superb – on the Royal Mile!

The hunter is send out to hunt! – there is no way Bernie is leaving the room tonight! – out into the chilly winds – a packed Pizza place – I stand in the entrance – ask for a takeaway – it arrives in a flash! – the hunter returns – the Pizza consumed – appreciated – Darby and Joan retire for 8 hours of sleep.

Finally - A selection of words for insertion where instructed fools – first a small but significant admission - that the word I used is not actually in this list:

• Hell
• World
• Blazes
• Fooooooook!